For Jane Tilton from Heather Blakey

'The wisest person
trusts the process,
Without seeking to control;
Takes everything as it comes,
Lives not to achieve or possess,
but simply to be All he or she can be In harmony with Tao.'
Dreyhers’ The Tao of Inner Peace

The wisest artist
trusts that upon death
the final jigsaw puzzle pieces will fall into place
Revealing an exquisite, utterly unique narrative
Heather Blakey

CONVERSATION BETWEEN [WISER SELF] AND EGO

From: 'MS and the Tao'

By: Jane Tilton

Ego: I need to change. I need to change a mental process that is causing me discomfort. I need to change a belief that is causing me great discomfort.

SELF: What is the belief?

Ego: That is not so easy to put into words.

SELF: You must name it to change it.

Ego: Well, I can’t. I’ll just talk for a while and maybe I will go beyond the discomfort with words:
I have a desire,
an unfulfilled desire,
a drive,
an unfulfilled drive,
a drive that I do not devote myself to,
a drive that I do not discipline myself to perform in any pattern that will produce satisfactory results.

SELF: (silence)

Ego:

I also believe that this drive is a direct link with my soul.
I believe it is the route to my purpose in life, and,
I know if I applied myself daily, to whatever it is,
I could succeed.
But, do I? No! I procrastinate.
I follow my inclinations of the moment.
I become easily distracted.
I feel that if it were really my destiny I would do it more relentlessly.

SELF: Could it be that desire and drive to do something, or be something, is wrong?

Ego: If it is so wrong why have I always had these desires? If they are patterns in my soul, how can they be wrong? If it gives me joy when I do it, how can that be wrong?

It is when I am doing other things that I feel discomfort.

SELF: Your mental process is on a revolving wheel; the wheel with no beginning and no end. You need to jump off and take another direction.

Ego:
I need to change.
The discomfort just wont go away.
It is painful, bordering on an obsession.
I need to discover the untrue premise in my thinking.

SELF: What do you need to do to feel good?

Ego:

'To feel good I need to write or paint."
'To feel worthwhile I must create something."
Perhaps I lack self discipline
Perhaps I should make out a rigid work schedule.

SELF: Doesn't self discipline seem more an action of the ego rather than the soul?

(Silence)

SELF: Doesn't it seem sad that you are only happy when you are writing or painting or creating something?

Ego:

Well, that's not entirely true. I love playing with my grandchildren, I love to cook, and to walk in the woods, and……………

OH

OH..I THINK I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND

I AM beginning to understand.
What you are trying to get me to see is:

I need to believe that everything I do
is as worthwhile
as writing or painting or creating.
That is my problem!!
'I need to know that whatever I do is worth while, fulfills me, and is necessary to my life."

I have spent a lifetime regretting all the great work I could have done, all the great pieces I could have written, all the great art work I could have produced, all the in depth studies I could have done and all the interesting people I could have known. What I failed to realize, and what has just now entered my mind, is that my nature, the one I was born with, would not have allow me to accomplish any of the above.

I was not born to prove I could do something great,
I was born to know I am something great,
Even when I am doing nothing.

'The wisest person
trusts the process,
Without seeking to control;
Takes everything as it comes,
Lives not to achieve or possess,
but simply to be All he or she can be In harmony with Tao.
(Tao 2)
Dreyhers’ The Tao of Inner Peace, page 66